5 Ways To STOP Beating Yourself Up, And Practice More Kindness Towards Yourself

Channelling into our own dialog can reveal a pretty ugly image. Stuff like:

I shouldn't have eaten that chocolate.

Why can't I ever do anything I say I'm going to do?

I could have done better in this workout

I'm so weak

I suck

I can't do anything right.

I suck at this too

Ohh, I failed at that too.

Sound familiar?

What can you add to this list of things you catch yourself say, to yourself?

Many of us are our own harshest critics. But sadly it's not always helpful when trying to achieve a goal. It's a proven better and a more effective strategy to be your best friend, who understands and supports you through thick and thin!

In this post I am going to explore 5 simple ways you can practice more self love, and kindness. SO you can start to break that habit of beating yourself up, and become your own number one fan!

Why Is This Important?

Reading through the statements above - did it make you feel uncomfortable?

I am sure we agree if we were to teach a young individual a new skill - like putting on its own seatbelt in the car and showered them with these kinds of negativity, they would not only be discouraged to continue trying but they would also likely be traumatised to attempt to learn anything ever again in our presence.

This happens to our "inner child" too. The uglier your inner dialog is and the more filled with negativity, the more unlikely you are to attempt things that are challenging, risky and demand a trial and error approach.

It is important to become more aware of how we talk to ourselves and define what kind of "perfection" we expect from our performance.

MOST of this inner dialog comes from unrealistic expectations of our initial performance. Back to the kid learning about the seatbelt, you would be comfortable showing him over and over again - most adults to some extent know this kind of complex skill requires practice to learn such a skill. And maybe with 2 practices per day over a week or two the kid gets it.

However when we want to learn something new, like eating in a different way - or a new skill/movement in the gym we get frustrated, and want to master it NOW. We expect PERFECTION in a SHORT TIME.

Here is a 5 step approach that you can use to start channelling and changing your inner dialog:

Number 1: Focus On The Positives

The solution is not just to THINK POSITIVELY and it all goes away. But it is proven that by just acknowledging your achievements, no matter how small can be greatly beneficial.

And to do this, I want you to make a list at the end of each day of 3 things you did well, that made you happy, or that made you proud. It would be even greater if you write these down and then read them out loud to yourself at any point during the day. Saying OUT LOUD TO YOURSELF I am happy/proud/did achieve x - z- y today.

Number 2: Practice Kindness Towards Yourself

Calling out those jabbing comments, thoughts and limiting self beliefs. Rule here is that if you wouldn't say the thing out-loud to a good friend of yours, then it's too mean and you should not be saying this to yourself.

When you find yourself in a negative self harming train of thoughts you need to (in the beginning) make a conscious effort to compliment yourself and play the "is it a feeling or fact game. This is where you dig deeper into each jabbing statement and ask yourself if this is based on feelings or facts.

Number 3: STOP comparing yourself to others.

Former US President, TJ Roosevelt said - “Comparison is the thief of joy”. This is still very much the case today.

There is always going to be someone better than you at something. There will be those who are not as proficient as you as well. If you tend to compare yourself to someone who is the best at what they do, you may be playing a losing game.

Accept the fact that you are not perfect, and shift the focus on being the best version of yourself.

Number 4: Stop Thinking of Mistakes As Failure

In every situation that doesn't go according to plan, you can walk away with your tail between your legs personalizing the experience thinking that YOU FAILED or you can walk away with pride, and say THAT THING didn't work and next time I WILL try this differently.

By doing that you turn failure into a learning opportunity, so next time you can approach the situation with more clarity and better tactics.

Number 5: Patience!

Good things take time, If you can show yourself the same amount (or more) of patience as you would show a good friend, your kids and give yourself extra time to accomplish changing and achieving your goals.

DISCLAIMER: You are not going to be perfect every time you try, so please please please don't beat yourself up if you catch yourself needing more practice at this (or anything else).

Hope this helps you set yourself up for success and tuning into your own internal support team!

If you are interested in more about how you can create your own external support team - read more about how to create your own support team to reach your goals successfully.