#53 How can you set goals that feel satisfying to achieve?
"Success comes from achievement and accomplishment, and happiness is attained from appreciating and feeling grateful for what you attain and where you are."
I read this quote a long time ago and it really stuck to me.
As a coach I see people on daily basis that are frustrated and not happy with were they are at in life, with their work, fitness, habits, eating, body composition and all the rest of it sometime all of it sometimes some of it. I don’t know if I attract these type of high achievers or if we all have a bit of this high-strivers tendency who never seem to be happy with the results you get?
But if you can relate to this, and feel like no matter how much you achieve or accomplish, there's always a lingering sense of dissatisfaction. If you continuously goals, work tirelessly to achieve them, but the happiness you expect never seems to materialize. Then this episode is for you. Through the years, this part about the satisfaction with what we get has been a massive part of how I approach the coaching process with clients. And in todays episode I am going to attempt to unpack this complex thing. Stick with me all the way to the end, my goal is to leave you with an actionable advice on how you can make some subtle changes as always to find more satisfaction in your efforts.
There are two components I belive need to be in place before we can set goals that motivate us and leave us happy and satisfied.
And those are first to identify our values that drive us, then setting goals that align with those values. Before we dive in, it is important to firstly clarify the difference between values and goals. Because sometimes they get mixed up. Values are the guiding principles that shape our lives and define what's truly important to us. Think about it like a compass or a north star that you can use to guide your journey. Goals, on the other hand, are the specific outcomes we aim to achieve kind of like destinations on a road trip or islands we would like to visit when we go Island hopping in the Caribbean. Once we have been there, ticked that off the list it is in the past, while values remain constant with very minor shifts, our goals can change as we progress and grow. (and they should progress and grow)
To identify your values I could write on for hours, the best way to do it is to join the 7 DAY ACTION CHALLENGE, its FREE and is built up of short reflection and journaling prompts that you get delivered to your inbox.
You can sign up to the challenge HERE
Once you know your values it is time to look at goal setting so that you will be happy with the outcome you achive.
You might be thinking goals are just goals but the same goal can be vastly different and have different impact on us depending on the wording we choose.
Even still I think we can do better, coming at this same weight loss goal with kindness, thanking your body for getting you through (making and raising 2 kids ) or (getting you through law school on 0 sleep and 10 cups of coffees / day)
As you can tell the wording of each goal makes a MASSIVE difference, before I move into the science bit,
witch one of these goals feels “motivating for you”?
What we played around with here is the 3 different types of setting goals they are in maybe the reverse order of effectiveness (from my personal experience and many of my clients)
#1 Avoidance Goals
Avoidance goals involve avoiding negative outcomes, feeling, appearance or failure. An expample of this for a perosn that wants to lose weight and wants to avoid the current body they have using internal dialog like “I hate my muffin tops and my belly, look in the mirror and I want it gone”. Instead of striving for success, the focus is running away from something, on preventing mistakes or avoiding unfavorable comments, feeling juddgment. While this approach may provide a sense of security, it often leads to a fear of taking risks and hinders personal growth and fulfilment. More often than not this approach leaves people after the goal is achived, still not happy, shifting focus to other things that are wrong, they want to avoid or they don’t like, now just focusing the stretch marks left on their arms, and hate the fact that their thighs are touching ect ect.
#2 Approach Goals
Approach goals revolve around moving towards something pleasurable, postitiv, like achieving favorable outcomes, look, skill and/or gaining recognition or praise. Good thing is we are moving towards a vision that is more aligned with our selves. For that same person that wanted to lose weight, this could be a goal of I want better for myself. I want to lose weight to better fit jeans and be more confident now that I am back on the dating market after my divorce. The downside of this type of goal setting is often fueled by external validation, things that are outside our control and/or the desire to outperform others. While it can provide short-term satisfaction, relying solely on approach goals can lead to a repeating cycle of failing to control external factors or seeking approval without finding that lasting happiness.
#3 Mastery Goals
These goals focus on personal growth and development. Instead of fixating on external benchmarks or comparisons to others, mastery goals emphasize acquiring new skills, improving abilities, and becoming the best version of yourself. For that same person that wants to lose weight, this could be something like I want to live a more healthy life, I want to be more able, mobile and healthy on the inside and out, want to master the skills of fueling your body better with nutrition that feels good, workout regularly to keep your mobility and function at its best. So that you can live long and be healthy for your kids in older age. In these type of goals the process of learning and growing becomes the primary source of satisfaction, they are more focused on what you need to do (instead of the outcome) and they are more likely to leave you with a sense of satisfaction and happiness once you have achieved your goal.
Now that you know 3 goal types, it is time for you to review your current goals, in what category do your current goals fit? Avoidance, Approach or Mastery?
No judgement no matter where you are currently at.
Truth about goals in real life is that they are often combined, and there is nothing wrong with setting an Avoidance + Mastery goal, like: I hate that my knees hurt and I cant go for a run, I want to eat better, lose a few kg and build up my running distance. Or Approach + Mastery goals, where you want to move towards the vision of being a lean athletic type, you want to learn how to say no to desserts on the weekdays, work out 5 days each week and eat lean proteins in all your meals
How can you shift your current goal, to at least contain some components of the mastery goal? Hit pause and add a sentance or two that describe the process of how you are going to achive the goal.
Time to wrap things up now that we have a better understanding of the types of goals, lets recap how you can become a goal-getter who is happy and satisfied by the destinations you stop by. Well, first off start by making sure your goals align with your values and shifting the wording so you your focus to the process rather than the outcome you are trying to achive.
If you need any help with identifying your core values. figuring out what truly matters to you? then join my 7 day action challenge, Ill guid you through this step by step.
Before I leave you for today thank you for tuning ing, all the way to the end. I hope this helps you on your journey to more satisfaction.
If you found this episode helpful, do me a massive favor, leave us a rating and review where you listen to this podcast that will help more people find the show.
Much Love
