Boundaries 101: What Are They & Why Do We Need Them?

Have you ever come to a point in your life when you wake up in the morning, and before you get up from bed have that feeling of overwhelm? Started thinking about your never ending to-do list, tasks and responsibilities that have piled up.

Perhaps you have said yes to a few to many favors, projects or invites with colleagues, friends and family.

And now you are sitting with a feeling of being stuck, and not seeing the end of all your responsibilities. Thinking to yourself, when is the last time I caught a brake? had some time for myself.

When is the last time you actually said NO?

And believe me if you are feeling this way, Well, you are not alone. I think we’ve all been there. I’ve personally been there, too. We’ve been through those tough patches, unmotivated times when we just merely survive, and not thrive. 

If you happen to be in this situation often, One of the KEY SKILLS we need to develop to avoid this type of overwhelm is to set healthy boundaries for yourself.

In this post we are going to cover what Boundaries are, and what they are not. And what you might GAIN from establishing boundaries for yourself.

What are Boundaries, and what are the not?

Boundaries is a tabo word, and many associate it with something negative like pushing people away or being unreasonable to others. But rest assure its not, boundaries is a healthy way to make space for yourself in this world. Boundaries are not about shutting people off or saying NO but more about offering alternatives and options that you feel at ease with.

To set boundaries with others means drawing lines that separate us – our physical space, mental space, our feelings, needs, and responsibilities from what other people want or need from us. Boundaries are essentially the way we communicate and tell people how they we like to be treated you – and what’s acceptable and what’s not. 

Its common that people that lack boundaries describe themselves as “people pleasers” and they often end up feeling stepped on, stuck or frustrated.

And the way to get out of that rut is to start communicating to others how we would like to be treated, spoken to or sometimes we hav to set limits to what we are willing to give.

Here are a few benefits to setting boundaries:

#1 Boundaries encourage authenticity.

Setting the right boundaries gives you the freedom to be yourself, your true, authentic self without the fear of being judged, not being accepted, not being loved, not being liked.

They allow you to have your own feelings & express them, to make your own decisions without the fear of other people’s opinion and to openly express who you are & what you love without the fear of judgment.

#2 Boundaries are selfcare

Have you ever heard of the famous saying, “You can’t give what you do not have.”? I don’t how much I can stress the truth in that. In order to give more to the people you love & the people around you, you have to be full yourself. You have to take care of yourself, and taking care of yourself often means setting healthy boundaries that can help you.

Boundaries free you from people-pleasing. They allow you to let go of worrying about how other people might think or feel. These are what enable you to say no when you can’t. Boundaries keep you from overextending yourself, which later on can lead to your fatigue & burnout. 

You have to make people understand that you can’t take on every project, work on every shift, and be at every gathering you’re invited to. Boundaries make these things clear. They set your priorities straight.

#3 Boundaries create a safe place for you & the people around you.

Without boundaries, people may take advantage of you because you haven’t set any limits with them.  

Boundaries are intended to bring you safety & comfort, to create a safe place for you & the people you love.

They provide mental & emotional safety by being able to speak out whatever is uncomfortable or hurtful.

Believe me, it makes it safe not just for you, but for those around you. 

#4 Boundaries create realistic expectations

Whether it’s with a friend, spouse, neighbor, or boss, relationships function best when we know what’s expected.

When you clearly communicate your boundaries, people know how they’re expected to behave.

When expectations aren’t communicated and met, resentment and anger grow.

How would you rate your boundaries skills?

Stay tuned for more information on tips and tricks on how you can start establishing boundaries for yourself.

Until Next Time

Much Love,

Coach Eik